All the maybies

I always feel this strong pang of emotions whenever i view my friends and i witness their progress through their many pictures. This is especially so for friends whom i've not seen for a great number of years and i probably won't get to see them ever again and even some of whom i have totally no wish to see at all in the future.

Whenever i peered at my ex-vj friends' pictures , i will uncontrollably imagine what might have happened if i had still remained at vj as an arts student. Would i be as happy as i was during the 1st 3 months ? Because i really had so much fun during the 1st 3 months at vj that it almost seemed surreal to me. Almost fantasy-like. And scarily so.

I remembered, with a exceedingly heavy heart, that i arrived at aj with an outlook of pure unhappiness and almost boiling hot distaste. It set my path crooked right from the start and its only till the end that i realised i have let this bitterness in my heart to ruin my entire future at aj. I have no wish to recall. But i wish to learn from this experience and to never ever repeat such a maddening mistake.

I must admit that army life seems really daunting to me. But i will not look at it as a painful experience. Or at least i will not have a wrong mindset about army life right from the start. That can only serve to disillusion me and set my path crooked , again.

Obviously thinking about such things will undoubtly make me feel much less happy than i should. I have told one of my friend once that i've choked up so much unhappiness in my mind that i can cry at any moment. But i've told myself that this isn't the right way to go. Being sad isn't going lessen your sadness. Letting it all out may not even help.

Quite ironically , i did a happiness session for the youth at my youth group just last friday and oen of the method was to list down all the happy things that have happened in your day and treasure those events with your heart and appreciate their coming instead of crying that they're not going to repeat themselves. So , thats what i'm going to do for today's happenings.


Carol , my da jie , decides to jio me out for my "farewell lunch" today. Although she din pay for my meal except for a measly 25 cents for ice-cream, her company was well worth the entire outing. We talked our hearts out on many cyf stuffs which i was initially quite apprehensive to speak about due to many sensitive issues. It was a pretty good off-loading session and i really appreciate this outing. Other that the fact that she's pretty lame herself, we both really could communicate really freely w/o much barriers, and thats the main ingredient for a good outing itself =)

Mat and Addision decides to treat me to a "farewell dinner" after mass. And i'm still quite full even now. They just splurged and spent on me and i , unabashly, accepted their goodwill with great joy =) They treated me to a $97 meal at LAO Beijing ( directly translation is "OLD beijing"). We had SHARKFIN, okay , its just me. And loads of other stuff. I must admit , its really quite a sinful treat. After which , we had a chill-out session at coffee bean where we had iced chocolate drink and mudpies and cakes. I swear i put on 10kg today. But thank you both so much! It truly increased my joy bar today!

I had a short convo with Bervyy today and that makes me really happy. Although the topic wasn't on happy things but the fact that he confided that much in me really made me appreciate how much he trusts in me. And make no mistake i trust in him wholeheartedly too! Thanks Bervyy =)

Maybe the day was quite fantastic after all =)